Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
