White coat. Heels.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
