I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Send help, water and tortillas.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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