Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
