Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
