Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
