it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
