hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
i've created a new STD.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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