I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Randomize
