i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
