she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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