I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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