in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
