The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
