it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
