i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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