Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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