we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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