Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
