did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize