Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
