wat bout pragnant strippers??
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
