sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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