i was born a porn star she said
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize