You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
