I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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