ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
