i love accidental penises.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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