we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
my being single is dangerous.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
