Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Randomize
