a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
