There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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