You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
