Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
