Can Purell be used as lube?
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
