words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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