There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
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