I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
