Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
