I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
