We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
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