Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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