i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
