Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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