Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
