I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize