I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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