Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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