Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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