....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
