I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Semen is not good for contacts.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
how drunk are you?
Several
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
