i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize