Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
she woke up with a sticky ear
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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