dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
