the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
