I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
