Ambien. No doubt about it.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
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