Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
