Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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