Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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