Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
