I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
