i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
