craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
