There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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