Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
