Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize