Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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