He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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