why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
