My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i came on her dog
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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